Tales of Rieze Maxia: A Series of Xillia One-shots and Snippets
by Lesprit-de-escalier
Summary: A collection of priceless moments throughout the canon and noncanon lives of the Xillia cast.
1. Milla Discovers Rap Music

Lively chatter and the occasional clink of a glass could be heard on this busy day at the Sapstrath Seahaven Inn. The port was full of weary travelers from all over the world, and it was no small task keeping up with the demand for steaming plates of food and full cups of alcohol.

Although it was noisy, Milla didn't really mind the atmosphere. She simply flipped through her thoroughly compiled notes and sipped her juice, furrowing her brow every once in a while at the pages.

"Why _would_ someone wish to consume the posterior of another person, mimicking that of one consuming comestibles and foodstuffs? It simply makes no sense."

Milla had recently unearthed a booming phenomenon that was snaking its way through Rieze Maxia: Hip hop music. The strange, illustrious tunes had captured the hearts of thousands.. Millions, even. And, Milla being Milla, absolutely _had_ to find out what all the hot gossip was about.

She poured over her notes even more before a young man came up behind her, setting down a plate of food for the both of them to share.

"Sorry I'm late, Milla. Leia insisted we check back with her mother before we hit the road again, and you know how well _that_ went. She's actually still back in Leronde, probably dodging her punches as we speak."

Our young Jude has finally made his way back to the seahaven after accompanying Leia on their quick trip back to their home town.

Milla didn't reply, much too concentrated on the work in front of her.

Jude noted the silence, but sat down next to her anyway, readying one of the forks he'd brought with the plate. "What's that you've got there?"

"People are quite incredible. So much innuendo packed into so little wording! Language has evolved for your kind all too well…" Milla could only press a finger to her lip in wonder, "Jude. Would it be all right if I asked you a question? I'm afraid I'll only be able to garner a substantive understanding of the subject if I obtain insight from a human."

"Uhh, sure. What do you want to know?" Milla often asked questions, but never starting off as tiptoed as she'd been. Jude could only freaking guess what she was about to ask him. He forked a bit of pasta into his mouth, preparing to listen to her query.

She turned in her chair to face the boy, completely deadpan, "Would you 'eat the booty like groceries'?"

Jude was thrown into a coughing fit, nearly choking on his pasta.

* * *

**a/n:** please listen to 'Post to Be' by Omarion. And Jhene Aiko. And Chris Brown I _guess_


	2. The Missionary Physician

"Alvin, I don't think Jude would have the time to do that kind of stuff. I mean, yeah, I think he'd love to! But he's gotta spend so much time in the lab already, I dunno.. I just don't see it," Leia shrugged.

The mercenary flipped through a couple of pages of a book he found on the shelf of Jude's father's office, "Really? Of course Jude would be busy, but Iii think the little punk would _make_ the time needed to go around, spreading the word and all that fun stuff."

Alvin and Leia were accompanying Jude on a quick trip back home to gather up research materials and were waiting for the young doctor in Derrick's office. He was out on some extra errands and should be back shortly, the duo deciding to stay behind and hold down the fort until he returned.

"Well, yeah, but being a missionary is a tough job, and it's like, super time-consuming! I just feel like Jude's got other plans for the meantime, that's all! Argh, we should just ask him when he comes back."

As if on cue, the younger Mathis had just returned, noted by the jingling bell over the doorframe.

He entered the office swiftly, carrying several folders and loose papers and all but nearly dropping them onto the desk. "Sorry I took so long. You guys ready to go? I think I've got everything I need here…"

Alvin turned to Jude with a stern look on his face. "Jude. Would you be a missionary if you needed to?"

"W-What? What do you mean…?"

"If someone, I dunno, needed that kind of thing from you, would you say yes?"

Jude couldn't _be_ more confused. "Well, I-I mean, I guess so? But it's sort of strange if the request is coming from you, Alvin…"

"What? Why would it be? I've already got connections in that line of work, and who knows, you might be seeing me ask for your help on spreading the word of some of my future business prospects. Is that really so weird to consider?"

Jude looked at Alvin, then to Leia, but ultimately back to Alvin. "Wait, what?"

Alvin returned his puzzled look, "…What?"

"A missionary… You mean like someone that travels and educates people about social justice or religious practices?"

Alvin scratched the back of his head, "Well, yeah. What did you think I meant by missionary?"

…

…

A light red flush streaked his cheeks as he thought about the phrase once more. "Damn it… _NO!_"

* * *

Milla, unbeknownst to the party in the office, was listening intently from the back room. She was looking through the rest of Derrick's texts when she suddenly heard the interesting conversation.

Pulling out her notebook, she scrawled a quick note—_'Missionary-see Jude for details.'_


End file.
